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David Porkka

Unusual Home Security Tips

Keep Large Shoes by the Door

Go to goodwill, get a few pairs of large, well-worn work boots, size 13 or above, and keep them near the door at all times. If someone is planning to break in, the first thing they’ll look for is shoes near the door. If they see large work boots, they’ll associate them with large, burly men inside the house, and will not risk confrontation.

Keep Large Mugs on the Table

After looking next to the door for shoes, a potential robber will look for more signs of an empty house. Multiple large coffee mug on the table usually indicate the presence of either highly caffeinated normal-sized people or very large semi-caffeinated people and neither demographic will likely be messed with.

Be Intimidating

Visit a nearby taxidermy shop and buy some large animal heads and mount them on the walls nearest to your entrances. If an intruder sees these, he will believe you to be armed or crazy, and will likely not risk breaking in.

Leave a Mark

Last but not least, juice some beets, stick your hand in the beet juice and place it on your back window and front window. This blood-like hand mark will cause any robber to associate their future selves with the stain and question their survival if they break in

Combine all of the above techniques and your house is basically untouchable.